It's not like it's going to be everyday, but...

...I don't want to forget that I'm here. That's all. I think I have it looking the way I want it to look. So now, thoughts...

My students are all scrambled out. They have been scrambling since August to be ready for TAKS tests. They scrambled through the fall and winter. They scrambled right up to the Writing test back in March, and at that point, they were still fresh and ready. I worry about them now. Don't get me wrong. They'll do the job come the day. But they seem weary. Some are resorting to an apathy even greater than that displayed by most kids in the 7th grade. The apathy makes the fear, frustration, need, and - by definition - desire go away. So they act tough. They screw around. The get into trouble. Trouble is easier at this point. We have nothing but a briar patch with which to frighten them into the right thing, and they are tired now of hearing all of the right reasons to do the right thing.

I truly believe that this would not happen if we stopped teaching it all in terms of the test. They are ground to dust by that word. TAKS. It's going to be on TAKS. You'll need to know this for TAKS. You're going to fail TAKS. You won't pass TAKS unless you get this. Blah, blah, blah-biddy-freakin-blah. We steamroll them with their own fear until they are numb and apathy becomes no longer a choice but an instinct, a defense mechanism. When did we stop teaching the material and the skills and start teaching the test?

Every year I wonder from March to May whether this will be the year that my instincts let me down. It hasn't happened, yet (thank God, my desk is made of wood), but it could, I guess. You see, I don't preach the test. I try to show them how to write. I try to show them the difference between good writing and bad. I teach them to find what they already know instead of walking around like zombies claiming that they've never heard of a verb. I make them think, and once their brains are alive, it's easier to teach them. But even then, we don't "learn the test" until just right before we take it. This has always always always always worked.

Is my subject easier? Is it somehow easier to demonstrate a command of a language as twisted and bizarre as English is than it is to demonstrate logic? Maybe the bizarre nature of our mutt of a language is better suited to their zany adolescent mindsets than subjects that rely on reason and critical thought. Maybe English is just the one thing that most of them are surrounded with day in and day out, and so all I have to do is point out the difference between the right and the wrong. Maybe the fact that my test comes earlier in the year is an advantage and not a disadvantage. I get them when they're still fresh and learning. They don't get ground down to a pulp for another month or so.

I don't know. I just know that it's my job and everyone else's to make sure that they succeed regardless of where their own attitudes might be. Maybe I should whistle. Worked for those goofy dwarves. I'll try that.